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For Impact | The Suddes Group

Daily Nuggets: A For Impact Blog

We Spend 95% of the Time Thinking About Ourselves and Our Own Story


“When we are not engaged in thinking about some definite problem, we usually spend about 95 percent of our time thinking about ourselves.” – How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie

I’m not sure how to tell you to use this nugget – I just know it’s very insightful.

Related: In The Power of Story, Jim Loehr writes:

“The human brain, according to a recent New York Times article about scientists investigating why we think the way we do, has evolved into a narrative-creating machine that takes ‘whatever it encounters, no matter how apparently random’ and imposes on it ‘chronology and cause-and-effect logic.

Stories impose meaning on the chaos. They organize and give context to our sensory experiences, which otherwise might seem like no more than a fairly colorless sequence of facts. Facts are meaningless until you create a story around them.”

Here are some ways I’ve processed and coached around this recently:

  • As a speaker or leader.  I promise you no one else is over analyzing your work or your presentation to the degree you are – especially when things go bad.  You’re spending 95% of your whitespace-thinking trying to align your world in your head… how you did with a presentation or how you are doing in your role.  Other people have reactions to your work but they don’t dwell on it — they dwell on themselves. They can ‘let it go’; you should too.
  • As a human being.  Now that you’ve read this, take note of how often you’re making sense of your own life, your own narrative.  What if we can shift it to something more like 50/50!?  I believe we can! Or, at least, we can direct our 95% toward more empathetic thinking.
  • On a visit.  Whomever I’m sitting with is spending 95% of their time working on their own narrative!  What’s the narrative!? (Discovery! Discovery! Discovery!) I want to listen and then tie to that!

 

The Presentation Framework


A few weeks ago we published “10 Action Steps to Help you Engage in 2016.” Over the next 10 weeks, we are going to use each action step as a week long theme to help you get it done!

This week’s theme is: Create a simple, powerful PRESENTATION and ENGAGEMENT TOOL.

The are three key components to a great presentation: Engagement, Discovery and Authenticity.

1. ENGAGEMENT

Our goal on the visit is to get people ENGAGED – in a dialogue – about them, about you, and about the opportunity you both have to save, change, and impact lives.

2. DISCOVERY

Asking questions is the best way to do DISCOVERY. It is the best way to create ENGAGEMENT and an absolutely marvelous way to be able to PRESENT THE OPPORTUNITY!

Here are 3 quick tips on how to be a great listener:

  • Focus. Actually sit up, and engage with your eyes and ears as you focus on exactly what the prospect is saying.
  • Get people to tell their story. This is even better than you sharing the story about impact. Let them tell you why they find meaning in your impact or organization. Nothing you say can trump their ‘WHY.’
  • Take notes. In my mind, this is a great way to show respect, show that you’re listening, and show that you care. The best thing about notes for me is that it helps me focus on listening, and then when the prospect is finished I can refer back to the notes and quotes.

    *It’s also a great way to capture as much of the visit as you can for the Memo for the Record, which, of course, you are going to complete as soon after the call as possible.

For even more, read the article 8 More Steps to Positive Listening Skills!

Then… ASK… LISTEN… ASK… LISTEN.


3. AUTHENTICITY

We like to tell our Boot Camp attendees, “If you’re authentic, you can’t screw it (the visit, the conversation, the ask) up!”

AUTHENTICITY means being REAL. HONEST. CANDID. SINCERE!

The people you’re with know right away whether you’re ‘selling snake oil’ or SINCERELY PRESENTING AN OPPORTUNITY that has VALUE to both the GIVER and the RECEIVER!

I read 30 years ago (in Denis Waitley’s Seeds of Greatness) that the word SINCERE means “without wax” (in Latin, sine = without, cera = wax.) Ancient sculptors would ‘fix’ any flaws or mistakes that they made in the marble by filling in the mistake with wax.

You can only be you. So go without the wax!

Ask…Listen…Ask…Listen


In our trainings (see link below for upcoming engagements), we do a card trick to demonstrate the greatest sales tip ever:

ASK a question… LISTEN to the answer… ASK another question (based on the previous response)… LISTEN to the answer.

Asking questions is the best way to do DISCOVERY, the best way to create ENGAGEMENT, and an absolutely marvelous way to be able to PRESENT THE OPPORTUNITY!

Here are 3 quick tips on how to be a great listener:

  • Get people to tell their story. Most people love to talk about themselves and share their stories with you. This is a perfect fit with out IMPACT –> INCOME | SHARE THE STORY –> PRESENT THE OPPORTUNITY. (It’s not just you who should share the story… but they should also share their story with you.)
  • Take notes. In my mind, this is a great way to show respect, show that you’re listening, and show that you care. The best thing about notes for me is that it helps me focus on listening, and then when the prospect is finished I can refer back to the notes and quotes.
    *It’s also a great way to capture as much of the visit as you can for the Memo for the Record, which, of course, you are going to complete as soon after the call as possible.
  • Totally focus. Actually sit up and engage with your eyes and ears as you focus on exactly what the prospect is saying.

Download our For Impact Guide to Power Questions and Transition Questions. Then:

ASK… LISTEN… ASK… LISTEN.
Note: Read the article ‘Are You Listening?’ in Selling Power for 8 more positive listening skills, and another FI blog on Asking the Right Types of Questions.

To see the card trick live, come to our Boot Camp!

Tuesday, April 28 – Wednesday, April 29 2015
Ostrander, OH
Wednesday, June 17 – Thursday, June 18, 2015
Ostrander, OH